Come on one, come all. Gather your belongings. Your pencils and pens. Chemistry sets and calculators. Your academic books and literary novels. All you who have read Twilight, though, you must sit at the back. There will be no Edward vs Jacob discussion in the front of this classroom. Heed my warning. Acclimate yourself to this secret classroom of brilliance and activism we have titled “Hermione’s Secret”. Home of Meritocratic ideals. (“Victoria’s” sounded too regal; we don’t compute with that side of the political equation, if you catch my drift.) Any-who, let me introduce myself. I am Adam “Pointdexter” Knight. A lieutenant of the “Just and Fair Government and How To Get There” Party. I say, “Hello my fellow, uncoordinated, high socks-clad, bifocals-filled, huge book-pack wearing brethren. We, political geeks of the highest order, welcome those who laugh at bad jokes like, ‘Hey, which philosopher had the building blocks of society in his hand? (Pause for effect.) Plato. You get it? You get it?'”
Alright, that’s enough of that. So what’s the point? What’s the reason for gathering such illustrious individuals to this meeting of sorts? Well, it is to call into question the whole of the intellectual world and our influence on this world. The ills of our society are answered by us, the intelligent people. Not by religion or happy thoughts. Not by throwing money in departments and charities and telling people to glorify them. By scientists, engineers, philosophers, doctors and psychologists. No matter are debates and squabbles; why are we not running the country? Because of wealthy capitalists? They use their money as tools of tyranny. Because of religious and regal leaders? What have they done but promoted slave ideologies and backward thinking. Shall we just allow unelected and privileged people to run our society into the ground while they soak in funds to the end of time? Over my heavily laboratory-visited dead body. Our history has been a violent assault on reason, creativity and critical thinking. Basically, it’s been a slap in the face to Rationals and Artisans—those who possess and exhibit these gifts. Many complain about the ills of our world but really the blame is on us, and here’s why. We alone possess the greatest quality that exists in mankind. We have an abundance of this substance that places a huge responsibility on us. It’s called Reason. The one quality that truly separates Beast from Man. It is time we stopped looking up to those with money and started looking in the mirror for the true leaders of our world.
The Wiz Kid/Know-it-all
That kid who finishes the math test before others can get past Question 10. The hooded figure in the back of the class, who is more interested in Ipod apps than presentations. The person who always sits closest the window, wondering outside and yes, I’m talking to you. You are a wiz kid. So arrogant and so aloof. You get bad grades or passable grades out of boredom. Most intellectuals aren’t interested in traditional education or societal issues because your opinions, your abilities and your mind aren’t valued. Mainstream education is the manual road to “intelligence”. You are given material, told to study and follow orders, behave, and accept a concept of judgement called Grades. Thus, mainstream education is really about grades. Letters of pursuit. A,B,C,D (what no E?) and then F. We have been taught to worship A, the symbol of success and to fear F, the symbol of failure. The axis of our learning experience isn’t on actual learning, but success. Students resort to all kinds of cheating in order to simply get passing grades. Who are they most likely to cheat off of? That’s right, the person(s) who have studied all night.
In America, if the majority of our money went to health care, we would have a nation of sane, physically and emotionally healthy individuals. Preventive medicine and practices would probably be advanced to such a degree that regular households would be experts on it. The mental asylum would likely go out of business. Death, crime and overall idiocy would be down. Way down. Citizens would be happier and more productive. If America focused its budget on economics and responsible spending, we would have the most productive nation ever. Businesses would pop up everywhere. Students in our schools would be thriving, knowing that when they left, a future of economic stability and rationality would greet them with open arms. It would take an idiot of epic proportions to go bankrupt given the supplies and focus on economic means. The nation would be better off without them anyway. What would constitute a rich or wealthy person? If everyone were financially independent, they would need less time to focus on surviving and have more time for enjoyment of fulfilling work and recreation and for planning the future; the economy wouldn’t be run by exclusive, wealthy individuals who prey upon and destroy billions of others by money accumulation. Also making people happier and lowering crime would be the nation’s freedom from boom and bust periods. Of course the simplest answer to the ills of our society is Meritocracy’s Custom Education as the foundation, building blocks, furniture, goods, kitchen, roof, and welcome mat of our nation.
Most Hated Subject and the Most Hated People
We would be Citizens of Mathematics. Walking problem solvers. Everything we faced in the past, now and the future would be solved. Everything. Stupidity would become the vessel of pariahs—not the average citizen. George Carlin, the late comedian said, “Think of how stupid the average citizen is, and recognize that half of them are even stupider.” What are we waiting for, intelligent folks? It’s time the world moved to our drumbeat, as bad as we may be with rhythm. We’re still singing the blues. Our problem is in our own intelligent personality. We need a society of Hermiones, raising our hands quickly and zealously at the sign of a problem. How is being a know-it-all a bad thing? If you were in trouble, or ignorant of vital information, who would you consult? The wealthy businessman, who will most likely see your desperation as an opportunity to profit off of you, or the know-it-all who spends their time answering questions for fun. All of us should adopt and aspire to merit The Hand of Hermione. The Hand of Hermione is a symbol to our interests. Let’s make it more ubiquitous and effective than the Nazi symbol or the peace sign ever was. Proud smartasses everywhere! We prove this with our fast hand-raising, wide eyes, and ooh-ooh-pick-me! zeal. Let’s get together and compute!
On Your Way Out
So, stop drooling in the back of your classes. Stop popping pimples and sending love letters, at least until class is over. Quit it with the senseless back-and-forth about cartoons and Star Wars. It’s time we take our place in this school at the front of the class. Forget the popular kids (politicians and rich folks). No one needs them. Kim Kardashian represents the archetypal celebrity. Let’s make her the face of unmerited inherited wealth along with Paris Hilton. Let us refer to democrats as actual donkeys and republicans as actual elephants. No more animals in our government. This isn’t Animal Farm. No Animal Kingdom, either. George Orwell would be appalled. It’s time we had a government of ambidextrous geniuses instead of a bunch of lefties and righties. Let us embrace the side of Reason. Revenge of the Nerds!! Let’s give them something to talk about.
by Adam Knight